Depression
I am so tense the back
of my neck aches
Sinew twisting &
turning
Tightening like a fast
creeping ivy
Strangling its host
tree
Crushing it slowly in
its vice-like grip
I feel two enormous
hands surrounding my skull
Squeezing & pushing
down my head into my shoulders
Pressing their clawed
thumbs into my forehead
As its bony fingers shove
themselves roughly
Into the nape of my
neck
Heavy weights hang off
my shoulders
Pulling me downwards
I can barely lift my
head
I have aged 40 years in
an hour
My eyelids try to force
themselves closed
They don’t want to see
the damage
Scared to see the look
of fear
& terrible bone-weariness
of their owner in a reflection
Depression smacks me in
the brain
I drag my gravity bound
body to my bed
I don’t even take my
shoes off
I insinuate my aching
bulk under the covers
Pulling them over my
head drowning out the terrible light
There I lie foetal
& damaged I am lost in the blackness
That gnaws at my soul &
spits out my gristle
My bed – a safe place for
oblivious & dark thoughts
Until the tension
starts to ease
I see in my mind’s eye
- a slight chink of sky blue
I become less afraid of
the light
The ‘hands’ pull away &
the ivy rots back
The shoulder weights
drop off & I can think again
Think of the things of
the light
Bright things, a walk
outside, a new book
The smell of fresh,
scented flowers comes back to me again
This time I just lost a
day
I am frightened for the
next time
That this happens &
it may not lift
To be permanently in a
state
Of dread & fear
& hopelessness simply cannot be borne
But this time I put the
kettle on open a window - and breathe
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